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Contents
When
to Start
Younger
vs. Older Teens
Let's
Talk
A
Patchwork Program
I
Don't Want to Leave Home
Stay
at Home Summer
Time
to Switch?
Counselor
in Training
Something
Different
With
or Without Friends?
Volunteering
Working
For Pay
Teen
Tours and Adventures
Ready
For a Tour?
How To
Choose
The
Nitty-Gritty
Check
It Out
Peer
Pressure
Ya
need to Know
Sex, Money,
Laundry,Packing, Communication
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Teen Travel and Adventures
Summer Fun in Adolescence
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While choosing
the right summer activity for a teen may be more
complicated than selecting a general interest camp
for a younger child, the rewards can be even
richer. A teenager is in the midst of an incredible
growth spurt. There is a literal physical change
that you may see when your teen arrives home, but
equally important are the emotional, spiritual,
intellectual, and social changes that a challenging
summer program can produce in a child in this age
group. Although finding the right summer program
for teens is different than finding a program for a
nine year old, some of the basics are the same: you
still want a safe, secure, and appropriate
environment. However, teenagers need and are ready
for new challenges and greater independence. As
your child matures, you may find that you need to
reexamine your choice each year as his interests
expand.
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When
to Start
If you're living with a teenager,
you're living with part kid and part adult.
Planning a summer program in November may be more
difficult for an adolescent than a younger child,
because your teenager's interests and emotions are
going through such enormous changes. However,
because many good programs fill up fast, you will
want to try to focus early so that you and your
child have the widest range of choices.
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Younger
vs. Older Teens
It is important to keep in mind when
choosing a program for teens that the needs,
interests, and abilities of a 13 year-old are quite
different from that of a 17 year-old. When
considering programs, you should also keep in mind
your child's maturity as well. Parents often
express concern about the level of supervision in
many of the programs designed for teens.
While teen programs impose curfews, campers may
have greater independence of movement during the
day. You need to determine if your child is ready
for that kind of freedom before deciding what
program to go with.
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Let's
Talk
The best way to start your search
for a summer program is to sit down and talk with
your child. Searching for a good summer program is
a way to strengthen your relationship with your
teen. This is an opportunity to discuss with your
child his interests, concerns, and values. You need
to talk with your teen about what each of you want
the summer to be.
Before you begin to talk, make it clear that you
really want to hear the true answer, not what your
teen thinks that you want to hear. Listen carefully
to what your teen is telling you. His views and
yours may not be as irreconcilable as they
initially appear. If you model respectful behavior
for his views, it's likely that he will respond in
kind. The obvious place to begin is with the
question: What do you want to do this summer? Write
down his goals and your goals on a piece of paper
so that you can mix and match responses.
Be prepared in case your child's first response
is 'nothing'. Your child may also say that he wants
to do something exciting, hang out at the mall, be
with his friends, get a good tan, or may simply say
that he doesn't know. Even if these are your
child's goal, you may be able to find a good
program that meets his needs and yours as well.
You should also share with your child what you
think that he should accomplish this summer. You
may feel that your child needs:
- Exercise
- To explore interests on a more challenging
level
- To study at a college level
- To see the world, country, or region
- To volunteer
- To earn money
- SAT/ACT preparation
- To relax after a stressful school year
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A
Patchwork Program
One of the best ways to reconcile
your goals with your child's is to piece together
the summer with activities from both of your lists.
Although it is more difficult and figuring things
out may be more time consuming, your teen will get
a broader experience for your work.
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I
Don't Want to Leave Home
One of the major issues may be if
your teen wants to leave home at all for the
summer. Even if your child has spent many years at
sleepaway camp, they may decide that they want to
spend the summer at home to be around friends. You
need to explore the reasons that your child wants
to stay at home, and how those will affect both her
and your summer plans. The primary question is
'What will she do if she stays home?" You also need
to consider how her decision will impact your
family life. Consider the following:
- If she drives, will she need access to a car
to get to summer activities?
- If she doesn't drive, will she need a parent
to provide transportation?
- If your child's at home summer job,
volunteer activity, or program is not full time,
will he need additional supervision if there are
no adults at home during the day?
- What will he do when he is not engaged in
the summer activity?
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Stay
at Home Summer
If you decide that your teen will
choose a local program, it is important to
establish summer rules, expectation, chores, and
schedules. This will be especially important if
this will be the first summer in years that your
youngster is spending at home.
Setting Summer Rules
Parenting a teen is a judgment call.
Some families have very strict rules, while others
have a more open approach. Most of us know both
types of families, and have seen success, and
failure, with both styles. Though you do not need
to suddenly make up rules that you haven't
previously had, you'll want to think through what
you expect and lay out the ground rules so that the
summer isn't a surprise for you or your teen. You
should consider the following areas of possible
conflict and decide how you want to handle these
issues.
Curfew
Now that school is out, you need to
consider what is a reasonable time for your teen to
be at home. Although you have probably given up a
bedtime, you want to know where your teen is and
with whom. You also want to know that he's in the
house at a certain time. You will want to establish
a curfew that works for everyone in the family.
Even if he doesn't have to be up in the morning,
you do, and a curfew can be a convenient excuse for
a teen to leave an uncomfortable social
situation.
Chores
If your teen is going to be around
the house some or all of the day, count on higher
food bills and more dishes in the sink. You should
make your expectations about cleanup and chores
clear. Do you expect your teen to assume more
household responsibility during the summer than
during the school year? What about babysitting
younger siblings? Will you pay your teen or not?
Work out the parameters of any employment
relationship with your teen before the job
starts.
Friends
One of the main attractions for your
teen to stay at home is the opportunity to be with
friends. Do you want to have rules about how many
friends, if any, can be in the house when no adults
are home? Some parents are comfortable with their
teens have friends over without adult supervision.
Others may want to set limits on the number of
friends or whether or not friends of the opposite
sex can be in the house when no adults are present.
Other parents may have rules about specific friends
that they would rather not have over when they are
not home.
Cleanup
Without cleanup rules, you may come
home from work every evening to a full garbage can
and a sink full of dishes. Figure out what works
for your family. If you set some basic rules, it
teaches your teen responsibility, an important life
lesson.
Transportation
Consider how much transportation you
will have to provide for your child and his or her
choice of summer activities at home. Is public
transportation available and safe? Is your teen
comfortable using the public transit system on her
own? You may also consider paying a local teen to
provide car service, carpools, or walking or
biking. Don't let transportation limit your teen's
choice of summer program. Find the program and then
find a solution.
Academic Expectations
Although school may be closed, that
doesn't mean that your child shouldn't crack a book
over the summer. Make sure that even if your
child's school doesn't require summer reading or
journaling, your child spends some time on
academically enriching activities.
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Time
to Switch? Maybe Not
Many traditional summer camps offer
programs for children to the age of 15 or 16, so
for early teens, continuing to return to the same
camp may not only be right, but also reassuring to
the child. If your teen wants to return to camp,
think before insisting on something new.
Adolescence is difficult, and the comfort of being
with old friends might be just what your child
needs. Camp may be a safe refuge for a few more
years. For the younger teen, the camp program
should involve greater challenges and new
activities for your child. You want your child to
use the familiar setting and friends to give him
the confidence to take new chances and assume more
responsibility.
Counselor
in Training/Waiter
Many summer camps offer older teens,
from 15-17, the opportunity to serve as junior
counselors or counselors in training (CITs). Other
camps may allow teens to work as waiters or kitchen
help. Generally, parents will continue to pay
tuition at a reduced rate. The campers may receive
a small stipend or gift at the end of the summer.
If your teen has had a great time at camp, this is
one way to continue the adventure. But you and your
teen should discuss with the camp director the
duties and schedule of CITs or kitchen help. You
want to make sure that the camp is not going to
give your child too much responsibility too fast or
overburden your child with duties that are
inappropriate for his age. However, you should make
clear to your teen that he will be expected to act
responsibly and to take his job seriously. You will
also want to ask about the supervision and free
time that your child will be given. Before
enrolling your child ask:
- What will be the teen's
responsibilities?
- Who will supervise him when he is working
and during free time?
- Who will be his coworkers?
- What happens if he doesn't like his
assignment?
- Do the teens participate in the regular camp
activities?
There are both advantages and disadvantages to
participating in these types of programs.
Advantages include:
- The camper returns to a familiar environment
with friends.
- The camper has opportunity to learn
responsibility and gain work experience.
- Work experience can bolster a teens
résumé in the future.
- Some camps increase the first year salary of
counselors who have participated in the CIT
program.
- The teen learns about working with children,
techniques for solving problems, and sensitivity
triaing.
- The teen is enrolled in a safe, secure,
environment for the summer.
Disadvantages include:
- Parents must still pay camp fees, even
though the teen is working.
- CITs/Waiters may be undersupervised.
- The teen may not take the job seriously
since his parents are paying for the
experience.
- The teen returns to a safe, familiar
environment instead of trying something
new.
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Something
Different
If your child is eager to try something new, you
feel that the supervision or offerings at camp are
inadequate, if your child is now too old for his
former camp, or you think that it's time for your
teen to earn some money, then there are lots of
choices. Over the teen years, you may try several
experiences. Your teen may choose to switch several
times not because an experience was bad, but
because at their age, the adventure of trying
something new is half of the fun. The range of
possibilities is limited only by your imagination
and your budget. Options include a wide variety of
teen tours here and abroad, volunteer
opportunities, academic programs, and summer jobs
at home.
Before you open the first brochure, you should
focus on what you want your teen to get from the
summer. Even if cost is not a consideration, the
most expensive program is not necessarily the best
for your child. When choosing a summer teen program
you should:
- Have realistic expectations of what the
program can accomplish.
- Make sure that your child doesn't expect the
summer to transform her. While it may, you
shouldn't enter the program with that
thought.
- Make sure that both you and your teen are
willing to participate in the program. When you
enroll an unwilling adolescent you are asking
for problems. It is normal for teens to worry
about new situations, but if they are doing the
program to please you, the potential for
disaster rises greatly.
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With
or Without Friends?
When you are making a choice of programs for your
child, one question that may pos up is whether she
should go alone or with a friend. Though your teen
may be more willing to try a new adventure if
accompanied by a friend, some children welcome the
opportunity to go alone and escape the typecasting
that teens assign each other. You and your teen
must talk frankly and openly about this issue. Some
programs may ask that teens who sign up together
bunk in different tents so that they will reach out
and find new friends. You should check with the
program director about how they encourage new
friendships and minimize the effect of cliques.
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Volunteering
For the Younger Teen
One way to fill a young adolescent's
summer is to establish a volunteering schedule so
that he is busy at least part of every day. Most
volunteer opportunities for younger teens are found
within the community, so the teen can become more
independent and not rely on a parent as much for
transportation. Children as young as thirteen can
provide volunteer service by:
- Reading to younger students
- Mowing, raking, or clearing sidewalks for
neighborhood senior citizens
- Beautification/environmental cleanup
- Running errands for the housebound
- Baking or preparing simple meals for those
in need
- Helping at a soup kitchen or food
pantry
- Tutoring
For the Older Teen
The more mature teen can go farther
in search of a volunteer experience. In addition to
the jobs above, several organizations look for
teens for volunteer work. You may want to research
organizations such as Habitat for Humanity, The
Student Conservation Association, Volunteers for
Peace, or Landmark Volunteers.
Every community has needs for volunteers. Even
if there isn't an established volunteer program,
you teen can offer his services to local hospitals,
ambulance corps, firehouses, homeless shelters and
soup kitchens, or literacy programs at the
library.
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Working
For Pay
Paying jobs can be a great learning
experience and give your student a little financial
independence. While teens are ready and eager for
work experience, jobs may be hard to find. Younger
teens, under the age of sixteen, will probably need
working papers in order to hold a job. Generally
you can get these from the school guidance office.
Your teen will need your permission, and proof of
age. Federal labor laws limit the number of hours
14 and 15 year olds can work, and other state laws
may apply. Teens who want to get a paying summer
job must think ahead. Encourage your teen to think
about summer jobs before school lets out.
Where To Find a Job
Finding a job for a teen is tough.
Traditional jobs include day camp counselors,
mother's helper, office temps, and lawn work. Some
good places to look include newspaper ads, the
youth employment office, office temp businesses,
community bulletin boards, and family friends.
Encourage your teen to start looking at least by
May. If your teen is willing to work part time
during the school year, he may be a more attractive
applicant.
How much is too much?
If your student starts working
before school ends or chooses to keep working when
school starts again, keep a careful eye on how much
she works. Research shows that students who work
more than 20 hours a week were more likely to have
lower grades, feel more detached from their family,
and have a higher rate of alcohol and drug use. You
should remind your student that school is her full
time job, and make sure that she doesn't cut
corners academically to work, take fewer
challenging courses, or sacrifice other
extracurricular activities.
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Teen
Tours and Adventures
The summer opportunities for teen
trips and adventures are nearly endless. As with
any other summer opportunity, there are both
advantages and disadvantages. Advantages
include:
- An opportunity to visit and explore new
places and meet new people.
- Tours may offer teens unique physical and
intellectual challenges.
- Teens learn responsibility for themselves
and belongings. Some trips may also require
teens to cook some meals.
- Trips can expose teens to experiences they
wouldn't have otherwise.
- Finishing a program can build self-esteem
and self-confidence.
- Teens learn group dynamics and
cooperation.
- Teens try out greater freedom and
independence while supervised.
- Teens may develop life-long
friendships.
Disadvantages include:
- ours are expensive, so the diversity of
participants may be limited.
- There may be too little supervision.
- Some tours are more a social exercise than a
challenge.
Is
Your Teen Ready For a Tour?
Before you get down to choosing a
program, you need to be sure that your child is
ready for this type of program. You need to be
realistic about your teens personality and
readiness. There are five questions that you should
ask yourself:
- Does your teen want to go on this type of
trip? If your teen is unsure, you may want to
look for another activity. These trips are
expensive and demanding. Though your teen may be
apprehensive, you want to hear that she is
looking forward to the challenge and is
interested. You must find a trip that matches
your child's personality and interest.
- Is your teen flexible? These programs are
fairly physically demanding. If your child finds
travel and change difficult or takes a long time
to adjust to new situations and people, then a
tour may be difficult and less enjoyable. While
a shy type can enjoy a teen tour, you will want
to discuss your child's personality with the
tour directors.
- Can your child meet the physical demands of
the trip? Here you just need to be realistic. If
the trip includes a lot of hiking, biking,
mountain climbing or camping, your teen must be
willing, eager, and in good enough shape to
participate. If your child gets motion sickness
easily, consider trips which involve long bus
rides carefully.
- Is your teen mature and responsible enough
to handle the independence of a teen tour? How
mature is your teen's decision making? Can he
withstand peer pressure? Some programs give
teens more freedom than they have at home. You
need to know how your child will react to this
kind of freedom.
- Is your teen organized? Your teen will be
responsible for packing and unpacking their
belongings at several locations.
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How
To Choose
With the large number of programs
out there, it can be daunting to choose. You should
narrow the search by first deciding how much you
want to spend, how long your child can be away, and
how far your teen can travel.
Teen tours can run between 2,000 and 10,000
dollars when you include tuition, airfare, spending
money and souvenirs. Some shorter programs are less
expensive, but financial aid is rarely available
for these programs.
You may want or need a trip of a certain length
to make room for other summer activities for your
teen. Your child may want to attend sports clinics,
spend time volunteering, or you may be planning a
family vacation.
Time and money limit how far your teen can
travel. It is important to understand your teen's
preferences as well as your own. If your child is
hesitant about the destination, you should look for
another program. With the large range of options
available, there is likely on that travels to the
right places for the right length of time.
You will want to begin your search through word
of mouth, web searches, guidance counselors, ads,
camp fairs, and resource books. Narrow your search
by the type of tour you and your child want:
indoors or out, city or country. Don't try to turn
your child into something he is not. While you can
expose your child to new opportunities and
adventures, keep your expectations realistic.
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The
Nitty-Gritty
For each program you research,
you'll want the answer to several questions. Make
sure to ask the following questions in each
category.
Group Size and Organization
- How many teens are on the tour?
- How many adults?
- If the tour is broken into smaller groups,
how many teens are in each group, with what kind
of supervision?
- Do the groups stay together the whole trip
or are they reorganized to encourage
friendships?
- What is the age range of the
participants?
- If coed, do girls get the same opportunities
as boys? Are the responsibilities on camping
trips assigned without gender bias? How do the
leaders handle trip romances?
Method of Transportation
- How does the trip travel from one site to
another?
- How far does the trip travel in any one
day?
- If by bus, what kind of coach? Are there
bathrooms on board?
- If by bike, raft, or foot, what happens if
there is bad weather? What if a teen doesn't
feel well?
- If by train or plane, does the group sit
together? What kind of planes are used?
Living Accommodations
- What kind of accommodations: hotels, tents,
dorms, youth hostels?
- What kind of supervision is there once the
group is in housing? Are there leaders on every
floor?
- If a coed tour, are girls and boys assigned
to different floors? What kind of supervision is
there?
Curfews
- How are the rules enforced?
- Are there room checks? When and by
whom?
Spending Money
- How much should be sent?
- Is the teen responsible for sending the
money?
- What is best: cash, traveler's checks, or
credit cards?
- What if the teen runs out? Are there
emergency loans or advances from the tour?
- Do any kind of controls exist on how money
is spent?
- What do most participants buy during the
trip?
Tour Leaders
- How long has the company been in
business?
- What are the credentials of the chaperons of
each trip? How old are the chaperones?
- How often has the company been running the
specific tour that your are interested in?
Supervision
- How closely are the teens supervised?
- Are teens allowed to tour areas with out a
chaperone, meeting at the end of the day? What
areas, if any, are they allowed to tour without
a chaperone?
Medical Emergencies
- How does the tour handle an emergency if not
in a metropolitan area?
- How will the parents be notified if an
emergency arises?
- Will the leaders insist on a plastic surgeon
if stitches are required?
- Can a teen rejoin the tour if hurt?
Mail/Communication Home
- How and when can you communicate with your
child?
- Are there any restrictions on calls or mail?
Some tours don't permit parents to write because
coordinating mail drops can be difficult.
- If there are mail restrictions, how does the
trip handle birthdays?
- How should your child call home: calling
card, prepaid phone card, or collect?
- For wilderness or outdoor trips, what kind
of communication setup is there for
emergencies?
Meals
- How many meals are part of the plan?
- How often does the tour hit fast food
restaurants?
- At restaurants, can the teens choose off the
menu, or is the meal planned?
- How much choice in meals do participants
have?
- What about teens with special diets or
vegetarians?
- For programs where teens help cook, how
elaborate is the menu?
Equipment
- Who provides any necessary equipment?
- Is a specific brand recommended?
- If you need to provide a bike, who puts the
bike together? Is a specific model
required?
- How are equipment repairs handled once the
trip is started?
Laundry
- Who is responsible?
- How often is it done?
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Check
It Out
You must make sure to invest the
time in a thorough evaluation of each program that
you consider. You can't rely only on the
promotional materials, you must make sure to call
the parents of previous participants and ask
questions before you enroll your child. Good trips
will provide you with references of participants
from the previous year. You want references to be
as recent as possible. You should try to call a
number of families, up to ten, to get a broad range
of opinions. If you hear an issue raised a number
of times, you should raise the point with the tour
leaders. The decision is not necessarily a question
of right or wrong, but what you are comfortable
with for your teen.
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Peer
Pressure
Adolescent peer pressure can be
intense, especially in new groups. You should talk
about the issues of drugs, alcohol, sex, and
breaking curfew. Explain to your teen that pranks
that may seem innocent or harmless can be dangerous
or illegal. Ask your child to use her best judgment
and to step back when she is tempted to do
something that is wrong, dangerous, or illegal. On
these trips, some teens are tempted to pierce ears
or other body parts, bleach or dye their hair, or
get tattoos. Talk about the need to think decisions
through thoroughly with your teen, and make your
expectations known.
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What
Your Teen Needs to Know
Before your teen leaves on his first
trip or tour, you should review several issues.
Many of these are topics that you have discussed
before, but it is important to revisit them. Your
teen will be away from home, in a new situation
with new people, and possibly more freedom than
ever before.
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Sex
You've probably already have had
conversations with your child about sex, but it's
smart to talk about it again before your child
embarks on their adventure. Generally, teen tour
groups develop close friendships rather than
romances, but some teens still develop
relationships while traveling. Talk about personal
values, responsibility, and caution.
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Money
A valuable lesson learned from a
teen trip is how to budget money. Your child's
spending money needs to last the length of the
trip. Before your child leaves, have him develop a
list of anticipated expenses. Build in a reserve
fund for the unexpected. Discuss how your teen will
carry the money. Review tipping customs and
practice on restaurant bills, and remind your child
to double-check bills in stores and restaurants.
Tell your teen keep money discreet. If you are
giving your child a credit card, discuss with your
child what are appropriate uses.
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Communication
Make an agreement with your teen
about how often he will call or write home. Check
with tour leaders for advice on specific days and
times, so that you know when you can expect a call.
Even if your teen is not much of a correspondent,
you should continue to write if the trip permits
mail to give your teen a link to home. If you give
your child a prepaid phone card, agree on how it
should be used. Can your child call friends as well
as family?
Laundry
Review laundry basics with your
child before she leaves. Make your expectations for
laundry and basic hygiene as clear as you can.
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Packing
For a teen trip, it is especially
important to teach your child how to pack and
unpack efficiently, as she will be responsible for
her own belongings. Spreading clothes over the
hotel floor increases the likelihood of something
getting lost. Have her pack her own luggage for the
trip. Make a list of what she is taking. Keep one
copy at home and put one in the luggage. Follow the
suggestions of the trip leaders on the type and
amount of clothing. Items that need ironing or
special care are not practical. Advise your child
on the special care and protection that her
belongings may need depending on the location of
the trip.
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Coming
Home
Reentry to the household for a teen
can be tricky. Your teen has been living a much
more independent life and may be reluctant to
follow family rules. Use gentle humor to confront
your teen when he stretches or breaks the rules.
Remember that one of the reasons that you sent your
teen was to build his self confidence and
independence. If the trip has accomplished these
goals, itÄôs likely that your teen
will want to exercise some of that independence at
home. If your teen has earned your trust and shows
good judgement, you may want to relax some of the
rules.
Your childadolescence can be both a trying
and rewarding period. Choosing the right summer
program can give both of you a respite from the
difficulties of growing up. Support and guide your
teenÄôs summer choice so that it
provides him with opportunities for growth
emotionally, socially, physically, and
intellectually.
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